Life flipped upside down in one kick.
The kick of fear. The kick of rebellion. The kick of anger.
Five thieves; five shotguns. One kick.
I close my eyes and see it. Replay it all in my head. How it went down.
First the kick. Then the scream. The barking commands. Handing over my Love's livelihood. Him, taking my place in front of the barrels of five guns. Bravery like I've never known. Love that overwhelms.
It plays on repeat in my mind.
Over and over and over again.
Loud noises now make me startle; fear races through my body; knees buckle. When I walk through public places, groups of people remind me of the five. Five who stole my peace and replaced it with this nagging feeling of dread that will not leave. It creeps in the background of my everyday.
But it will not defeat me.
I read in the car, 7:00 am, morning drive, taking my Love to work. One car. Living simply is not simple. We drive children yawning, wiping sleep from their eyes. Mama reads out loud.
The Lord is my light and my salvation- so why should I be afraid?
The Lord is my fortress, protecting me from danger, so why should I tremble?
When evil people come to devour me, when my enemies and foes attack me,
they will stumble and fall.
Though a mighty army surrounds me, my heart will not be afraid.
Even if I am attacked, I will remain confident.
--Psalm 27:1-3
Peace like a river flows over my body. I breathe. Safety in Him. In Christ alone. My fortress.
The kick. The scream. The commands.
I hear them again. See the shotguns. But I breathe. And each breath is life that was spared. And death did not conquer. And fear will not either. I'm breathing.
The "Strong Woman of Grace and Favor" lately struggles with fear. Being alone in the backseat of our minivan as I drive--it's too much for her. Mama wants to help. To ease the pain of anything she saw when she walked into the living room that night.
I pray, and the Father leads simply. as He always does.
A bear. We build a bear together. I write the scripture on a piece of paper, fold it, and slide it into the stuffing of the ready-made bear before they sew it up. The bear comes with a little stuffed heart, which I smother with kisses. She smiles.
The store employee finishes their work and now the bear is ours. I hand it to her. "This is your safety bear. God's love is safe, and every time you squeeze this teddy, you can remember God loves you. He protects you. You're safe in Him."
Beaming, she squeezes the bear with all her three-year old might.
I pick the big kids up from VBS. They like the idea and we go back to make three more. Forty-dollars. Four bears, and Mama stuffs each one with verses and kisses. Peace in the midst of storms. Beautiful simplicity.
Night comes and the children snuggle down on makeshift pallets of quilts and sheets. We are thankful for friends that open their home and lives for us, the homeless.
And peace is a word we hold dear. We cry out to a good Father who cares for us and beg peace. Comfort for our hearts. He hears, and though we have a long road ahead, this is enough for today.
335. Vacation Bible School fun
336. Friends that take us in
337. This breath. (And this one, and this one, and this one...)
338. Life Recovery Bible
339. Prayers of love that humble
340. Sunshine and pools
341. Little Love's tooth peeking out
342. Gifts of love
343. Real safety in Him
344. Messages that encourage
